Title: Use Me

Author: redrush.

Rating: Het, NC-17. (very graphic, steamy sex.)

Pairing: Kowalski/female.

Category: Angst and heartbreak, I suppose.

Spoilers: Eclipse, Strange Bedfellows.

Teaser: The beginning of the end. Why it was so hard for Ray to let go.

Disclaimer: They are not mine, don't own them. Never will.

Feedback: Yes, please.

Note: Bill Withers gets credit for the song. As always, a huge hug and thank you to Beth.


My friends feel it's their appointed duty

They keep trying to tell me all you want to do is use me

Well my answer yeah to all that use me stuff

Is I wanna spread the news that if it feels this good getting used

Oh you just keep on using me until you use me up

Until you use me up

"Ray! Where the hell are you? It's after eleven!" Stella was yelling so loud that his partner winced.

"Hey babe, I'm on my way." Ray hung up the pay phone and stripped off his uniform.

"Short leash." Joe murmured. Ray shot him a look.

"She worries." Joe snickered.

"Glad I don't have somebody that worries that much about me. Your old lady's a bitch, Kowalski." Ray had him by the throat up against his locker before he could blink.

"Don't ever talk about the Stella like that again. You have no idea." Ray let go and grabbed his things. He never finished changing out of his uniform. He thought he heard Joe say something about him being whipped but he just wanted to be home. Home with Stella.

When Ray got home a half-hour later the house was dark. He quietly walked through the back door and hung his jacket and belt on a kitchen chair. He pulled his shoes off and padded barefoot through to the hallway. He never went upstairs. There were blankets and a pillow on the couch.

When he woke the next morning, two laundry baskets were sitting at the bottom of the stairs and the house was quiet. Ray showered and started the laundry. He was emptying the dishwasher when Stella came in the back door. She pulled her headphones off and smiled. She unlaced her running shoes and set them by the door.

"Morning, hon." "Morning, Stel." She walked over and kissed him on the cheek. He smiled as he rinsed the dirty dishes and put them in the dishwasher. She pulled on the zipper of her sweatshirt and slowly revealed a black sports bra. Ray took a deep breath and put a coffee cup in the top rack. She pulled a little more and Ray's cock twitched at the sight of her tanned stomach, smooth and slightly sweaty.

Ray closed the dishwasher and focused on Stella. She slid the sweatshirt off her shoulders and threw it on the floor. "I missed you last night."

Ray didn't react, didn't say a word. He knew she would stop if he did. It was her show and he knew it. She hooked a thumb in her lycra shorts and pulled down one side showing the narrow band of her panties. Ray licked his lips. She turned her back to him and bent slightly to pull the shorts off. Ray groaned slightly as the shorts revealed the top of her thong and the beautifully firm ass she prided herself on.

Ray smiled to himself. A hundred and fifty bucks a month for the gym was worth it.

She flung the shorts off to join her sweatshirt. She was still obscenely bent over on display but any thoughts he had disappeared when she whispered "Touch me, Ray."

Ray took two steps to her and slipped his fingers under the small scrap of material and began rubbing her clit. He slid a finger inside her and pushed, pulled and twisted gently. She pushed back against him hard and came.

"Fuck, oh fuck! Yes! Yes, Ray! Oh, fuck yes!" Ray held her for a moment but then she pushed away and turned to face him. Passion burned through her eyes but she hadn't said 'I love you, Ray' in six months. She kissed him hard attacking his mouth and sucking his tongue. He took her in his arms and carried her to the family room. They kissed and humped wildly on the couch.

Stella pulled away and slowly slid down his body. She pulled his shirt out of his pants and began unbuttoning his jeans. She smiled when she got the fly open and found him hard and wet. She gently released him from his jeans and scooted them down past his butt. She licked the head of his penis tasting him briefly and then gently blew across the tip. Ray cried out and jerked his hips up.

Stella smiled and took him in her mouth. She sucked and stroked in rhythm and Ray played with her hair. She looked up at him with stormy eyes and Ray wanted to die. That was her look, the look she had given him in bed for almost fifteen years and it made Ray love her even more. She pulled her mouth off of him and traced her thumb across the head again and Ray shuddered.

She pulled the wet scrap of material to the side and slid him inside her. It was perfect for that moment. Everything was good, so good as Stella began to slowly rock against Ray's hips. Ray grabbed her hips and ground her even harder against his body. He licked his thumb and gently stroked her to another orgasm. This time she collapsed against Ray's chest. On shaky arms she pushed herself up and kissed him longingly.

Ray took the opportunity to flip them over. He sucked on her nipples through the bra and could taste arousal and sweat from her workout. He nipped at one and Stella pulled the straps down letting him have her flesh. He suckled as he moved in and out of her. She ran her hands through his hair and urged him on. "Harder, please, harder Ray."

Ray complied and pounded into her until he could hear short gasps from Stella every time he thrust in her. She purred like a cat and spread her legs wider. He lowered his head back to her breast and took a nipple between his teeth and gently nipped while he came inside her. Trying to bring her off again he ground his hips against her and they screamed together, this time it was the good kind of screaming.

Pulling out and sliding down next to her Ray opened his arms and she snuggled down with him. "Love you, Stel."

"Me too, Ray." She stroked his cheek and they slept. They woke an hour later and showered. Stella didn't speak to him for the rest of the day.

Well my brother sit me right down and he talked to me

He told me that I ought not to let you just walk on me

And I'm sure he meant well yeah but when our talk was through

I said brother if you only knew you'd wish you was in my shoes

You just keep on using me until you use me up

Until you use me up

"Hey, Ray. It's Paul, your brother, remember me? Call me at Mom and Dad's. Sarah and I are in town for the week." Ray hit the delete button and picked up the phone.

"Where's Stella?" Paul asked handing his baby brother a beer.

"Dinner with a judge. How's Sarah?" Ray asked pulling at the label on his beer bottle.

"She's good. Mom took her shopping for the baby." Ray smiled brightly.

"That is so great. A kid? Another little Kowalski running around." Paul laughed.

"So, how about it? You an Stella have been married longer than us." Ray frowned and shifted in his seat.

"She's gotta get higher up." He took a swig from his beer. "She just got into the prosecutor's office she can't take time off for a kid."

"That's what you said when she graduated from law school. What about what you want? You want kids?"

"Sure, someday. When we're both ready." Ray growled.

"You know...Ray you're my brother and I know you love her but she's never gonna be ready. As long as you worship the ground she walks on she's gonna keep taking and not giving. She wants a career not a marriage." Ray stood and his beer bottle fell on the table and spilled. He walked away but turned quickly and stared hard at Paul.

"I know, I might be damaged but I'm not stupid. I need her that's all there is to it."

"Yep, that's all it is. It's got nothing to do with her." Paul smirked and Ray took it upon himself to wipe that smirk off his face rather violently. As he was walking away Paul pulled himself off the floor.

"When she leaves I don't want to know. Don't come to me for anything because you deserve it. Your walking right into the fire and I refuse to help you deal with the aftermath."

Ray stalked into the bedroom. Stella was sitting up making notes in bed. He pulled off his clothes and threw them into the hamper in the bathroom. Then he jumped into the shower and brushed his teeth. He returned to the closet for his pajama bottoms. Stella looked up.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong or am I going to have to guess?"

"Not now. I'll be ok. I just gotta.....gotta stop for a minute and take a deep breath."

"I don't see why you see Paul when he upsets you so. You've never gotten along."

"Don't worry about it, Stel." Ray took another deep breath and crawled into bed. She laid her papers aside and took him in her arms.

"I do worry about it. I worry about you, Ray." Ray snuggled against her and let his anger abate. Stella rubbed his neck and kissed his ear. What did Paul know? He had Stella here to hold him and make him feel better. Sure they fought and didn't always sleep together but seven times out of ten this was how they ended their day.

"How was your day?" Ray raised his arm and Stella ducked her head under his arm and snuggled against his chest.

"Good. Judge Geary is putting a word in for me to get the juvenile mediator position downtown." Stella smiled against his skin.

"That's great Stella, good practice for being a mom."

"Yeah, someday. Please, Ray tonight's good." Ray frowned.

"It's always good when we don't talk about important stuff."

"Ray, that's not fair." Stella frowned and pulled away.

"Why? Stella, never mind. I'm sorry." He raised his arm and she snuggled back against him. She kissed his chest and rubbed his stomach. "Not tonight Stella."

"Are you mad at me, Ray?" Stella stroked lower and flicked the ties on his pajama pants. Ray sighed heavily.

"No babe. I'm just tired and Paul's pissed me off." He sucked a breath through his teeth and hissed. Stella had him in her mouth. She sucked him down her throat and moaned. She pulled away slowly and Ray whimpered.

"Just relax, honey. Let me take care of you." Stella stroked his face and twined her fingers with both of his hands and continued sucking him. She deep throated him again and he came screaming her name. Stella cleaned him with her tongue and rearranged his pajama pants. She turned the light off and pulled him to her and held him until he fell asleep.

Oh sometimes yeah it's true you do abuse me

You get put me in a crowd of high class people and then you act real rude to me.

But oh baby baby baby baby when you love me I can't get enough

And I wanna spread the news that if it feels this good getting used

Oh you just keep on using me until you use me up

Until you use me up

"Dammit, Ray. I told you to wear a suit tonight. Didn't you listen?" Stella whispered angrily as he joined her at a retirement party for a judge in the Court of Appeals.

"This was the best I could do babe." Ray straightened his tie and ran his hand down the sleeves of his sport coat. "I was filling out reports until 7:30, at least I'm not late."

Stella wanted to throttle him but instead she stormed off clicking heavily on her heels. He grabbed a glass of champagne from a passing waiter and downed in on gulp. He grabbed another and followed her across the room.

"And who is this, Stella?" An elderly woman smiled at Ray.

"Rhonda, this is my husband, Ray Kowalski." Stella grimaced slightly. Ray stepped forward and smiled.

"It's very nice to meet you, Ma'am."

"I'm Rhonda Geary, Justice Court of Appeals. I seem to remember you being in my court."

"Yes, ma'am. I'm a detective in the Chicago Police Department." The older woman put her arm through Ray's.

"Of course, dear. You and another detective spoke on behalf of the prosecutors in a rape case I do believe." Ray nodded. "And if I remember correctly you were very passionate about putting this man in jail."

Ray blushed and knew where the story was going and Stella was going to be pissed. "Your husband fired a gun in my court room."

Stella's jaw dropped and she looked to Ray. This was the judge that would get her promoted two steps up from where she is now. Ray fired a gun in her courtroom. "Seriously?"

Rhonda and Ray were laughing. "Yeah, babe."

"Ray! My God!" Stella was startled, as she had never heard this story before. Angrily she snatched Ray's arm.

"Can I borrow my husband for a moment, Rhonda? Thanks." Stella pulled him out onto the terrace of the restaurant.

"Why the hell did you fire a gun in her courtroom? What if I don't get my promotion, Ray?" Stella paced angrily. "Oh and never call me 'babe' in front of my co-workers it's silly."

"Stel, she didn't seem too mad about. She was laughing." Ray ran a hand through his hair. "Besides it was two years ago and you weren't even working here then. How was I supposed to know?"

"RAY!" Stella pushed her fingers into her temples. "I think you should just go home."

"Fine." Ray turned and walked back inside. He spoke with a few people briefly begging out under the guise of getting called in to work. While Stella mingled happily, Ray went to a bar and happily drank scotch.

They both happened to get home at the same time. A light summer rain started and Ray ran ahead to unlock the backdoor. He held the storm door for Stella as she ran by.

Ray came up behind her in the kitchen and kissed her bare shoulder. She turned and she was breathing hard and Ray half expected her to hit him. He could see she was still angry or maybe she was just disappointed that he had one up on her with one her of hoity toity law people.

He backed her against the wall and kissed her throat, licking across her collarbone. "Ray."

"I love you, Stella, more than anything." She whimpered slightly as he reached behind her and unfastened the back of her halter dress. He pulled the straps down and trailed his tongue after the fabric. When he reached the valley between her breasts he inhaled deeply and Stella wound her fingers in his hair. He turned his head and drew a nipple into his mouth and suckled gently fluttering his tongue back and forth.

"Unn, Ray." Stella moaned and stroked his hair and tried to pull his jacket off. Ray moved to the other breast and suckled. When he pulled back to remove his jacket Stella groaned as the cool air stung her wet nipples. Ray knelt on the floor and unzipped the back of Stella's dress. He helped her step out of it and then nuzzled his head against her abdomen. The silky fabric of her panties snagged on his stubble. Ray and Stella shuddered at the sexy friction it created. Ray could smell her arousal and tentatively licked the fabric producing a larger wet spot.

He rolled her panties down kissing her stomach and hips. As soon as she stepped out of them Ray spread her feet apart and began kissing up her legs. By the time he reached her inner thighs she was panting. The coarse hair was damp and Ray began sucking and licking along her outer lips. Then he went for broke licking her center, dipping his tongue inside drinking her in, getting recharged. She bucked her hips against his face as he worked. Soon her climax swept over her body and Ray held her up by the backs of her legs while he feasted on her dripping sex. When he was satisfied he stood and carried her to bed. She was like a rag doll in his arms. She nibbled and sucked along his jaw while they trekked upstairs.

"Make love to me, Ray."

Stella mumbled as he laid her on their bed.

"I need you."

"I know." He smiled and started undressing.

Talking about you using me but it all depends on what you do

It ain't too bad the way you're using me,

Cause I sure am using you to do the things you do

You can find the sequel to this story here: Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone