PARTY FAVORS by CALLIE
A due South Art Gallery with Text
EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY.....
Partners and Friends:
My life was a mess so I escaped and took this gig of pretending to be an Italian.
And I got this new partner - well two, if you count Dief, who seems to like me,
although it could be the doughnuts I sneak him when Fraser ain't looking.
Fraser's kinda weird and freaky, but I figure he's a good person. He walked into
the squad room on that first day, all lit up like a Christmas tree, expecting to see
Vecchio. Instead he got me - scruffy, blond experimental hair, blue-eyed and
full of attitude looking nothing like an Italian or Vecchio. Confused - hell I
woulda been. I felt him stiffen when I hugged him, but he'd looked so confused
and lost, like a little kid, that I couldn't help myself. He spent the whole day
trying to prove I wasn't Vecchio - I can still taste the damn window putty. Poor
guy nobody told him about the undercover gig.
Well, anyway he's sorta serious and a lot proud, but hidden under all those layers
and the Mountie mask, I think there's a different man. And me, I am a man with
a plan - I am gonna find the real Fraser. Dot it, file it, stick it in a box marked
done. Hey, he even asked me out to dinner and didn't laugh when I couldn't
pronounce the names of the Chinese dishes.
So I've kinda decided I like him. I think that we can be partners, may be even
friends.... I think he wants to be my friend. I wanna be his.
My father said that Ray was a good man, and for the first time I have to agree
with him. Ray is a good man. It wasn't his fault that nobody told me about Ray
Vecchio and the undercover operation to protect his identity. He hugged me and
babbled on about duets as he guided me through the squad room as if he had
known me all his life. His energy and vitality caught me off guard, which added
to my confusion at not finding Ray Vecchio where he should have been. I spent
the day trying to prove who he wasn't, and I think I may have missed who he
really was. And then he stepped in front of a bullet meant for me.
I made up my mind then and there that I would find out about this new Ray. I
started with my dinner invitation. His happy smile blinded me with its intensity.
I don't think he had expected me to want to get to know him, be his friend. But
I do. I know we can be partners. I have not had many friends in my life, but I
know without a doubt that we can be friends. I think he is offering me his
friendship. And I want to be his friend.
Thinking of Ray:
I can't help it..... I think of Ray all of the time. His constant energy and beauty
haunts my every thought. I dream of him at night. Dream that I am holding him
in my arms, stroking his soft skin, listening to his breathing as he sleeps beside
Guard duties have become torture as thoughts of Ray constantly bombard my
mind - I can hear him laughing or cheering, or see him smiling at me. I see him
angry and hurt, his pale eyes flashing with pain and anguish that he tries to hide
from everyone. He is intriguing to me, a man of great contrasts - tough talking,
quick tempered and vibrant, but I have also seen the gentle, warm and funny side
of Ray - this is the man he hides from everyone. But I have seen him.
Ray is in my every thought, tormenting me. I'm afraid - I think that I am in love
with Detective Stanley Raymond Kowalski. But love always seems to slip
through my fingers so I remain silent loving him from afar and cherishing our
Thinking of Ben:
I can't help it..... I think of Ben all of the time. I look in my mirror every day
when I've dragged my sorry ass outta bed - I can see me, but I can see him too.
He is always there smiling at me. Giving me that smile that he only seems to
give to me.
I dream about him at night. Dream that he is holding me and that I'm holding
him close. And in my dreams, he is always Ben, not Fraser the stiff Mountie
who hides himself away from people behind his uniform and his thank you
kindly manners. Me, I never let a brick wall get in my way so I have pushed
and prodded until he showed me a little bit of the real man.
And I like him, like him a hell of a lot - so sue me. The real Benton Fraser is a
warm gentle person. He just cracks me up when he tries to tell a joke, or tries to
talk Chicago slang. He does both with such a serious face. He irritates the hell
outta me by endangering my life in wildly bizarre ways, making me nuts with his
thank you kindly and it only takes an extra minute speech.
But I look forward to seeing him every day - makes my stomach do somersaults
every times he walks into the room and smiles at me. I think I love Constable
Benton Fraser, and it scares me to hell and back. I've been burned before. Gotta
keep this to myself - don't wanna ruin the best thing I've had for a long time.
Oh dear...... Ray loves me. I can see it in his eyes.
We looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity, and I felt that Ray was
looking right into my soul, past my Mountie mask and armour, right to the real
me, the me that I hide from everyone. I held his gaze challenging him to look
away. He didn't.
He looked surprised as though he couldn't quite believe what he could see in my
eyes, couldn't believe that I could love him - I hate when he puts himself down.
He is so easy to love. I took a deep breath and put all the love I felt for him into
my eyes, desperately wanting him to see it. Desperately wanting to see love in
his eyes. I held my breath.
He returned my gaze for a few seconds before smiling softly at me. Then, with a
quick look back at our companions, he gently took my hand in his, squeezing it
in re-assurance. I think he whispered something to me, but I couldn't hear it
over the thumping of my heart. He smiled at me again, and I could see love
reflected in his pale expressive eyes. Love for me. My heart soared - Ray loves
me too. I want to kiss him, but I know I must be patient, and wait until we are
Oh wow...... Fraser loves me. I can see it in his eyes.
We, that is the Mounties and cops, are at the annual 27th Precinct picnic by the
lake they call Michigan. Everyone is having a pretty good time, even Fraser is
relaxed and smiling, except for when Frannie nearly fell on top of him.
After eating, Fraser suggested that me, him and Dief go for a walk by the lake
edge. Dewey and Huey persuaded the others to play a game of baseball. We
could hear their arguing and shouts as we walked side by side. Sitting on a
bench, we watched as Dief chased seagulls.
Can't remember why, but we looked at each other, staring for what seemed like
years to me. It was like I could see right past all that armour he throws up, like
he was letting me in. And I couldn't believe what I was seeing in his eyes. I'm
scared, and I think he's as rattled as me, but I aint gonna run from him. So I just
took his hand in mine and told him not be afraid. Don't think he heard me so I
smiled at him again, and let him see my love for him.
We sat, clutching each other's hand - as if our lives depended on it - for the rest
of the afternoon. Our first kiss is gonna have to wait until we are alone.
We've been dating for three months now. Or courting as Ben calls it - says it
sounds more romantic. Cracks me up that he so serious, but I love that he wants
to make it special for us.
So we've been doing the dating... I mean courting stuff - going to the movies, the
ball game, a hockey match or camping for the weekend. Sometimes we just stay
at my apartment with a take-out and a movie. And dancing.... surprised me, but
Ben loves to dance. So we dance with the lights out and the music low. Sounds
kinda silly, but it's not, it's greatness.
And we do plenty of the kissing stuff. Our first kiss was worth the wait. Ben's
a good kisser. Not sure there's a part of me that aint be kissed by Ben. Makes
me feel like a million bucks. We were both nervous about the sex, but we
worked it out - got on the same page. And it's good, real good. Laying with
him at my side makes me feel needed, wanted and loved. Hope that Ben feels
Ray teases me when I call it courting, but I can see in his eyes that he is secretly
pleased. And I want to make it special for him, want to make him feel loved
and needed, the way he makes me feel loved and needed.
I love being with him. Dating, as Ray calls it, is fun. We go for long walks, go
to hockey matches and ball games, or just watch movies at his apartment with a
take-out on our laps and Diefenbaker stretched out at our feet. But my favourite
is dancing to his music with the lights turned low. He fits into my arms making
me feel whole, filling the lonely space that I thought would be empty forever. I
murmur words of love to him as I let him lead me around his living room. He
calls me a freak, but I can hear the love in his voice.
Our first kiss was everything that I had ever dreamed of and more. I have made
it my mission to kiss every part of Ray's sleek body. Making love for the first
time was awkward, and we were both clumsy. But we got on the same page, as
Ray says. And now, it's just wonderful. I love laying with him at my side. I
hope that Ray feels the same.
Ben said forever to me this afternoon. And I know he means it. As he placed
the plain gold band on my ring finger, I knew this was for keeps. God, I love
him with everything that I am.
The dream catcher he gave me for my birthday hangs over our bed sending us all
the good dreams and tangling up the bad ones. And I figure we got forever to
make us some good dreams.
I am complete at last.
Ray said forever to me this afternoon. And I know he means it. As he placed
the plain gold band on my ring finger, I knew that we would be together always.
I love him with my very being.
When I moved my hand the gold circle reflected in the light, and I remembered
reading somewhere that several ancient cultures believed that a circle was a
symbol of perfection, a perfect unity without a beginning or end. I like to think that Ray and I have no beginning or end.
I am complete at last.